A Laundromat Lesson In Gender Dynamics
Every Sunday, like clockwork, I transform into a budget economist with one mission: secure eight one-dollar coins for my apartment complex’s washer and dryer. And every Sunday, I find myself playing emotional roulette at the checkout. If I get a female cashier, she hands over the coins like I’ve asked for a plastic bag. ⋆✿ No drama ✿⋆. If it’s a male cashier? Suddenly, I’m hearing my own Dry July response echoed back at me: “I’ll try… but I can’t promise anything”.
We’re talking coins, not concert tickets, yet somehow, this weekly ritual has become a quiet study in the gendered performance of helpfulness.
While I admit it’s a fairly mundane observation, and one that probably suggests I should get more hobbies, it’s a good example of how small, insignificant rituals (like getting change for laundry) can quietly expose bigger social dynamics. I mean, we’re already aware as a society that women are often socialised (and sometimes expected) to be more accommodating, nurturing and customer-pleasing (‘cause she is MOTHER, she is KWEEN). With this in mind, it’s no surprise that this can play out in ways both subtle and structural… or in my case, female cashiers feeling more pressured (conscious or not) to give the laundry coinage I so desperately need.
Whereas men don’t appear to feel the same pressure to appease or “perform”. Or maybe it’s that they feel more comfortable setting boundaries or saying no (even if the “no” is arbitrary or based on weak reasoning like not having enough coins, etc). And that’s not to say that I think they’re necessarily being rude, but more that they’re less likely to take on the appeasing role in low-stakes, everyday exchanges. Something I, a gay male with crippling people-pleasing tendencies, cannot for the life of me understand… but am deeply envious of.
Or maybe JUST maybe… it’s an assertion of power, masculinity, dominance, etc. Maybe sometimes, men, subconsciously (and biologically) assert a bit more control over the situation by introducing friction?? (I have had past experiences where this would most definitely ring true).
I’m sure that personality, policy, or timing could equally play a role, but the consistency in which I’ve witness this scenario play out (i.e every bloody Sunday) suggests something more patterned. And let’s not forget that gender roles don’t switch off in customer service settings (or any setting for that matter).
Honestly, it’s kind of crazy how even the act of getting dollar coins for weekly laundry can reflect broader social scripts. Truthfully, I might’ve just coined (sorry) a new theory of micro-gender performance at my local Woolies.
Final thought: is it sexist if I now instinctively scan for a female cashier, just to increase my odds of walking away with eight one-dollar coins? I’m simply a person trying to do their laundry with minimal resistance. Sorry, not sorry.
Until next Dispatch,
LGM